QuikSmile Humor

Royal Birthday

Giglish.com — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 06:42:03 +0000

Queen Elizabeth is 81 years old this week.

She is England’s oldest queen. Second place: Elton John

- David Letterman

Shear Genius?

Giglish.com — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 06:50:35 +0000

Bravo Channel has a new reality show called Shear Genius, where hairstylists compete to see who is the best.

Apparently, this is for people who didn’t think Queer Eye was gay enough.

- Jay Leno

FEMA not ready to be unprepared

Giglish.com — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 06:44:26 +0000

FEMA has told Congress that the new emergency plan for responding to hurricanes will not be ready anytime soon.

You know what they are blaming for the delay: the weather.

- Jay Leno

Sexy secrets

Giglish.com — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 06:34:15 +0000

Eva Longoria says her sexy secret is a Brazilian bikini wax.

Britney Spears had a secret like that but somehow it got out.

- Jay Leno

Sanjaya reverberations

Giglish.com — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 06:19:38 +0000

The elimination of Sanjaya on “American Idol” has “sent a chill through the no-talent community,” said actress Tori Spelling.

- Andy Borowitz

Limbo no more

Giglish.com — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 06:04:24 +0000

Vatican has abolished limbo reversing centuries of Roman Catholic traditional belief.

The Vatican parties will just not be the same without the Cardinals dancing under the holy pole.

Tour de dope

Giglish.com — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 06:22:33 +0000

Tour de France officials are getting concerned about doping again and want to ban all riders implicated in last year’s scandal.

Officials got a bit suspicious when during training this year three teams tested positive for Barry Bonds.

CrackBerry

Giglish.com — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 06:03:41 +0000

Millions of BlackBerry users lost service Tuesday night for more than 10 hours.

Addicted BlackBerry users were seen talking into their garage door openers, stereo remotes. It was sad.

- Alex Kaseberg

Pacman says sorry

Giglish.com — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 05:55:24 +0000

Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam “Pacman” Jones, after being suspended because of ten police incidents in two years, bought a full-page newspaper ad promising to change

Fans are a little suspicious after it was disclosed that he bought advance full-page ads every year for the next five years

Testy Gonzales

Giglish.com — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 05:44:35 +0000

President Bush said he is pleased with the testimony of Alberto Gonzales and is confident he will survive the federal prosecutor controversy

In other news, Sanjaya Malakar’s mother was pleased with his performance on American Idol country night and was confident he would survive

Taxing crossover

Giglish.com — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 06:39:55 +0000

IRS chief Mark Everson has been selected as the new president of the American Red Cross.

The Red Cross blood donation form will now be 34 pages long with instructions in Swahili.

Once bitten

Giglish.com — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 06:30:24 +0000

An Israeli woman accidentally bit off part of her boyfriend’s tongue during some heated french kissing.

The expression ‘bite your tongue’ loses some in the translation to french.

Bite your tongue

Giglish.com — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 06:26:35 +0000

An Israeli woman accidentally bit off part of her boyfriend’s tongue during some heated foreplay.

The boyfriend was discharged after surgeons reattached his tongue and is just happy that the accidental bite didn’t happen at a later stage.

Trump tries to tweak Rosie

Giglish.com — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 18:49:49 +0000

New York Post reports that Donald Trump is trying to re-ignite his feud with Rosie O’Donnell.

Media experts think the Donald is still upset that Sanjaya Malakar’s hair is getting more attention than his.

Cross Boss

Giglish.com — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 17:50:23 +0000

IRS chief Mark Everson has been selected as the new president of the American Red Cross

The Red Cross Board said Mr. Everson was selected for his leadership skills, ability to drive results and past blood-sucking experience at the IRS

High-tech flammable toilets

Giglish.com — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 07:29:27 +0000

Japanese high-tech toilet makers, Toto and INAX, have apologized to consumers after some toilets sent up smoke and caught fire.

Ironically, all the toilets had prominent “No Smoking” signs.

Premature ejection

Giglish.com — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 22:36:41 +0000

The NBA suspended referee Joey Crawford for unjustified ejection of San Antonio Spurs player Tim Duncan.

Referee Crawford is blaming Alberto Gonzales for the ejection but claims he cannot find the incriminating emails.

Tommy tradition

Giglish.com — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 22:15:59 +0000

Tommy Thompson speaking to a primarily Jewish audience said, “For the first time in my life I’m earning money, which is part of the Jewish tradition.”

Experts say this could now hurt him with the Jewish vote in Iowa. Both of them.

- David Letterman

California brrrrth

Giglish.com — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 07:29:08 +0000

A California woman has given birth to the first baby ever conceived by a frozen sperm and a frozen egg.

The parents can’t agree on a name so they are going to call the baby Ben & Jerry’s.

Satisfied Nigerians

Giglish.com — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 04:53:34 +0000

According to a new global survey, Nigerians are among the most satisfied people in the world when it comes to sex.

You will be getting an email on how you can learn the ‘Secrets of sexual satisfaction’ from a Nigerian Ministry of Finance official any day now.

Cracking down

Giglish.com — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 04:32:49 +0000

The NFL has suspended Tennessee Titan Adam “Pacman” Jones for one year following ten police-involved incidents in two years.

It is all part of the NFL’s tough new “Ten Strikes and You Get a Year Off Work” policy.

- Alex Kaseberg

Disney wedding gowns

Giglish.com — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 04:24:43 +0000

Disney has created a collection of wedding gowns inspired by the Disney princess characters, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White.

Reverend Al Sharpton is planning a march to protest the racist Snow White wedding gown.

Weather warning

Giglish.com — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 04:02:20 +0000

The weather around the whole country today is like something you’d see in a movie.

It seems pretty obvious to me that God is sending us a message to stop voting for Sanjaya already.

- Jimmy Kimmel

Where the Pulitzer meets “The Road”

Giglish.com — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 06:00:15 +0000

Cormac McCarthy has won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction for his novel “The Road”

James Frey’s book “A Million Little Pieces” was in the running but the judges couldn’t figure out whether it should be considered for fiction or nonfiction

Space Marathon

Giglish — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 19:45:52 +0000

Astronaut Sunita Williams is running her version of the Boston Marathon in space by running on a treadmill in the international space station.

Kind of like the earlier attempt by spaced astronaut Lisa Nowak to drive her version of the Indy 500 from Houston to Orlando.

Obesity gene found

Giglish — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 06:26:41 +0000

Scientists say they have located the gene that causes obesity.

His name is Gene Milman and he is inventor of Krispy Kreme.

- Conan O’Brien

Tyrannosaurus Chicken

Giglish — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 06:20:44 +0000

Scientists have discovered the first genetic proof that Tyrannosaurus rex is a distant cousin to the modern chicken

This morning Don Imus apologized for calling the T. rex a “nappy-headed chicken”

Tyrannosaurus Chicken?

Giglish — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 02:32:01 +0000

Scientists have discovered the first genetic proof that Tyrannosaurus rex is a distant cousin to the modern chicken.

Scientists are still mystified by what came first, the Tyrannosaurus rex or the egg.

Price is wrong

Giglish — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 06:14:33 +0000

Presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani is getting some flack for not knowing the price of a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread.

But he does know what a wedding cake costs because he bought three of them.

- Jay Leno

Biel beats Johansson

Giglish — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 18:00:19 +0000

Jessica Biel has beaten Scarlett Johansson to top the list of ‘Sexiest Woman’ in a poll conducted by men’s magazine Stuff.

Poll organizers had an early scare with Sanjaya Malakar topping the list for a while, possibly due to voting by some confused Indian call center operators.